Do you now have goals you extremely want to achieve? Or did you accomplish some targets already? What did you feel?
I dreamed of being wealthy and a successful businessman back in college, and I knew that I should study hard to get As to get a better job after graduating. Therefore, I studied late for every exam and became top of my class. Finally, I achieved what I want, and I was happy. However, I didn’t have the feeling of fulfillment.
I then figured it out after watching Tony Robbins’ interview.
Your life is control by your state.
First, you need to understand that your life is controlled by your state from moment to moment. That is, your state completely affects your behavior.
Suppose you’re angry right now for the wrong dinner delivery, and your child is annoying you. You probably yell at them but do not realize the needs they want, which is essential for educating children. Then, after times of these kinds of situations, your child may feel apart from you, and that’s definitely not the relationship you want.
So, learn to change your state is a critical skill for everyone.
Your worldview controls your long-term states.
Now you know that your states are the key to your behavior so that you may maintain your state in a favorable position. However, what controls your long-term states?
In fact, your model of the world decides your long-term states. And the worldview contains two things below:
First, the targets you are after.
Human beings have six common needs, and everyone has different values for them. However, the top two of one’s values can totally change one’s life. The six needs are:
What are the top two values you focus on?
90% of people put “certainty” and “significance” top. They are only willing to do certain things; for example, they start their business when they’re sure it will succeed or don’t want to change in a relationship because it’s terrifying. And that limits their opportunity to improve and change.
People who put “significance” top want the feeling of important and unique. And the easiest way to achieve it is to accomplish it on social media. So nowadays, people upload filter photos and post excellent stories of their lives to make themselves superior. It’s false that people take these more important than “love.”
Second, the belief and rules of how to fulfill the target.
However, what’s driving you to your target matters. Despite two people have the same target, whether the thought is healthy or not makes a huge difference. The belief and rules you stick to will determine your fulfillment. So if you want to live an extraordinary life, there’re two parts to follow.
And I consider the rules as “science of achievement” and the belief as “art of fulfillment.”
- Science of Achievement.
You should master the science of achievement. Science means that if you do A, you will get B, such as money or your body, and it’s a skill set. If you follow the steps to become an expert or master in investment, you probably will earn a lot of money. And if you don’t follow the elements that a healthy body needs, you may get diseases.
So knowing the science of your achievement is the first step. Actually, many people are great at it. Nevertheless, most of them don’t accomplish the second part of an extraordinary life.
2. Art of Fulfillment.
Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. — Tony Robbins
Fulfillment is art but not science. You probably can model someone to achieve something, but that doesn’t work for fulfillment. And the key to an extraordinary life is to be fulfilled.
Moreover, you should believe that our lives are controlled by one force — decision.
The decision on what to BELIEVE, what to DO, what to GIVE control us much more than the conditions we meet. — Tony Robbins
The most important decision and belief.
So the most important decision is to have faith that no matter what happens, you will always live in a beautiful state.
Life is short, and no one knows how short it is. Suppose today is your last day. What would you do? I believe that you won’t waste time feeling inferior to your colleagues, frustrated about the terrible presentation yesterday, or dread the future. Instead, you would spend time with your loved ones and feel the wind and the air, enjoying every final moment with a thankful heart.
But you know what? You don’t need to do it on your last day. You can decide now to live in a beautiful state. If you’re suffering, you definitely can END it.
Moreover, when you enjoy every moment in the state and feeling loving, attractive, energizing, and curious, you can treat others a hundred times better than when you’re feeling negative. That means you can be a better person in any situation. For example, you’re a better partner, better parent, and better boss.
Trade your expectation to appreciation.
Most people define success as hitting the expectation. However, you should learn how to appreciate this moment first. You need to trade your expectation for appreciation. If you can’t find ecstasy at the moment, you’re having dinner with your family or walking on the street with sunshine. Then you won’t get it either, although you hit your expectation.
Back to the story of mine.
I realized that I definitely was the 90% of people who put “certainty” and “significance” at the top back in college. I just wanted to make sure I would get As and get better opportunities in applying for graduate school so that I could have a better job and earned more money, which was the “certainty.” And got the feeling of superior in class, which was the “significance.”
In addition, what drove me was merely the “science of achievement.” I know that as long as I took notes and studied hard, I could get excellent grades. However, I didn’t focus on my belief.
Now I change my top two values to “growth” and “love” because I discover that only when my goals are growth and self-improvement I can naturally absorb knowledge, which is beneficial for developing a better career, and with “love,” I finally can learn how to love myself and give to others.
Moreover, changing my belief into living in a beautiful state no matter what happens and be appreciative in every moment helps a lot to let me focus on NOW and ENJOY every second in life.
To sum up
Suppose you thought you need to spend ten years to achieve your goals, and you’ll be fulfilled. However, you probably will be disappointed in that case because you need first to learn how to control and change your state, decide what your belief is, and be appreciative and ecstatic in every moment. Then you can eventually live an extraordinary life with fulfillment.
Take a moment to think about your “top two values in life” and your “belief and rules.” Execute after you decide, and you will find yourself living a different life.